Desiree

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 09:21:46 GMT

i depise the pharmaceutical industry with so much passion i can't even begin to verbalize...

a little Nancy eases my tension:

In my room
way at the end of the hall
I sit and stare at the wall
each day's just like the last
for I live in the past

In my room
where every night is the same
I play a dangerous game
I keep pretending he's late
And I sit and I wait

Over there is the picture
we took when he made me his bride
over there is the chair where
he held me whenever I cried
over there by the window
the flowers he left...
...have all died.

In my room
way at the end of the hall
I sit at I stare at the wall
hating how lonely I've growned
all alone
in my room...

:0)

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 07:43:22 GMT

my new baby:

love it!

"when i think of it my fingers turn to fists"

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 10:15:04 GMT

well baby,
the shallow water keeps me from drowing.
and deeply,
i do regret making the choice to change.
but love,
my phsyche's only envy
is those
who know no better than to keep a lung above water;
because i do
and i chose to pretend to be naive.

"hunger hurts,
and I want him so bad,
oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
hunger hurts,
but starving works,
when it costs too much to love"

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 19:31:51 GMT

i wish tony was here :0(.
today would make a great beach day.

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 07:36:01 GMT

ok, just watched the dior fall/winter '05/'06 show online:
1. beautiful
2. i'm a freaking obese shit
3. i'm getting my legs surgicaly stretched

<3

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 08:16:19 GMT

reminder: send kim skippy creamy peanut butter and oriental top ramen ASAP.

!!sknab gnikcufrehtom ynot uoy kcuf!!

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 02:00:33 GMT

i miss my dad, although i'm not sure i ever really knew him in the first place.
i think about him everyday.
i wonder why he does not want to call his daughter-just to see how she is, or drop an email once in a while. i feel absolutely melancholy right now.
i feel so damn alone.

i miss the one amazing summer i had.
the one where tony and i became best friends.
everything was so freaking exciting.
the world stopped around me for a few months.
i was sure i met my perfect match...my baby's daddy.
now, i feel as though i've lost the most beautiful promise god ever granted.

i think i'm losing myself now.
my body and mind...
my soul is strong; i wish that's all i was made of.
i'm fucking over the body and mind concept.
fuck it.
at least i don't have aids.
i must say it'd be a good justification for suicide, though.
damn.

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 11:26:30 GMT

muwhahaah...you're all sleeping and i'm awake.
ha.
*cough*..
right.

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 20:12:40 GMT

i want to go running at the beach.
guess i'll crawl back into my bed isntead.

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 07:40:58 GMT

how can someone say they love you to death and want to be with you in the same breath as "youre selfish, stuck-up/pretentious and full-of-shit"??

does that not make them full of shit?
i would think someone spewing that sort of vulgarity to be quite pretentious themself!
speaking such to someone who loves them more than anything on god's green earth would also make them a bit selfish, considering such characteristics are quite painful to be granted.

...albeit i should have known noone could ever truly love me...it still feels like someone is pouring pure acid onto the festering infection of open soars that comprises my "stuck-up" organ of a heart.

thanks tony.
i love you.

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 02:58:14 GMT

just registered for school...
i'm so excited.
a full ass load.
i'm sick of being a freshman. haha.
i'm going to be the oldest one in all my classes.
love it!
so poor.

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 21:17:54 GMT

i failed the special k challenge because i replaced every meal with donuts instead.
for the past THREE days.
DONUTS!
not special k!

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 23:44:08 GMT

fat people are so gross.
i gross myself out!

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 01:42:11 GMT

three biggest fears: spiders, getting sick and body fat.
you're never too far from a spider.
i'm sick again!
i'm fat.

so lame.

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 08:52:48 GMT

i wish i could break all the jealous bones in my body,
and be sure that they'd never heal!
next i wish that i could alter the chemical reactions in my brain
so as to prevent "love" from happening to me!
lord, help me.
i'm a freaking idiot retard.

This ain't no temporary, typical, tearful goodbye
This ain't no breakin' up, then wakin' up and makin' up one more time
This is gone, gone, gone, gone
Like all the good things, that ain't never comin' back
he's gone
he's gone!
This ain't no 'give it time, I'm hurtin' but maybe we can work it out
Won't be no champagne, red rose, romance, second chance
Long gone, don't be wrong, never comin' back, my baby's gone
he's gone...

FUDGE!

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 05:10:04 GMT

i fucking hate me!
hope i die before i wake.

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 10:07:49 GMT

i have an idea!
how about
you shut-the-fuck-up
unless you plan on bringing me flowers in public.

Wed, 29 Jun 2005 03:39:47 GMT

went to the beach today.
burnt my ass.
plan on doing it again tomorrow.
call me if you are down, too!

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 08:30:09 GMT

happy first day of summer, everyone!

see you bitches at the BEACH!

airy lifestyle.

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 05:19:34 GMT

when i was real little, and believe it or not, even nerdier, i used to get this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever i was away from my mom or dad for too long. like homesickness, i guess. i became a pretty independent kid very quickly, and so, that feeling soon faded away.
it's back.
only my parents are not the reason, nor is being away from home.
my insides feel seperate from me. there is an empty space where trust and hope once thrived.
my heart won't stay in my chest. it constantly feels like it's being griped, twisted and pulled by an invisible hand. my nervous stomach is back.
i feel like my future is being wiped away. something i've always felt so certain about, now seems mythical.
i lie awake at night and try to quickly reassemble that future in my mind. the details are all missing. i realize that my oh-so-certain outcome will never exist.
not if i rely on it building itself.
i've got to build the damn elements myself.
or else i'm going to spend every night for the rest of my life awake with longing for a life that is completly fictional.

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 08:34:04 GMT

since you let me down, i can't sleep. i know there's nothing good to wake up to.

i'm not fat or ugly, fuck you!

Wed, 15 Jun 2005 08:17:19 GMT

let us see how many benadryls it takes to make me pass the fuck out...

Wed, 15 Jun 2005 02:11:10 GMT

YES! it feels so good to be almost ALL better!
i worked today!
i worked out today!
i'm stoked!
i can't wait to see my girls on saturday (at lindsey's party ;0))!!!
only one guest at work asked why i had a band-aid on my face.
i fabricated a story about how my roommate's cat and i got in a fight.
"and the cat shot you with a BB GUN?!" they replied.
DIE! if only you knew that my STAPH (tony gave me shit for spelling it "s-t-a-f-f") infected-self was the one serving food to your family!
MUWAHAHAHAH! just kidding ;0) they are a nice family that always comes in and sits in my section, so they are allowed to ask questions.
i only worked four hours, but i walked with fifty-five bucks. not too bad i guess, for a tuesday morning.
i'm not going back to my other job until monday, hopefully by then i won't need to wear my nelly accessory anymore.
good day so far! FINALLY!
a special someone can definetly make it even better.

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 05:14:12 GMT

i'm so miserable, HOLY HECK!
so much pain, disgusting mess!

tommorrow will be my fifth day out of work. considering most of my days out are the weekend (when i make the most money), i am going to have a hell of a time paying rent next month. this is crap. i just want everything to go away...be normal again.

and i swear, god, no more complaining about how ugly my face is after this is overwith. i've seen how ugly i really CAN be...and it's a lot worse ;0).

ouch :0(.

p.s. i want to see jen and tony so bad.

something sweet, something strong...

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 03:24:19 GMT

this is for all those times i've bitched about being so mothereffing ugly.

never again!

i look like popeye's long-lost twin sister.