urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis Desiree Desiree 2005-12-08T09:21:46Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:188705 2005-12-08T09:21:46Z 2005-12-08T09:21:46Z i depise the pharmaceutical industry with so much passion i can't even begin to verbalize...<br /><br />a little Nancy eases my tension:<br /><br />In my room<br />way at the end of the hall<br />I sit and stare at the wall<br />each day's just like the last<br />for I live in the past<br /><br />In my room<br />where every night is the same<br />I play a dangerous game<br />I keep pretending he's late<br />And I sit and I wait<br /><br />Over there is the picture<br />we took when he made me his bride<br />over there is the chair where<br />he held me whenever I cried<br />over there by the window<br />the flowers he left...<br />...have all died.<br /><br />In my room<br />way at the end of the hall<br />I sit at I stare at the wall<br />hating how lonely I've growned<br />all alone<br />in my room... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:188669 2005-09-01T07:43:22Z 2005-09-01T07:45:58Z <a name="cutid1"></a>my new baby:<br /><img src="http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a365/desireestevens/mybaby.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"><br /><img src="http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a365/desireestevens/mybaby2.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"><br /><img src="http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a365/desireestevens/mybaby3.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"><br /><img src="http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a365/desireestevens/mybaby9.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"><br /><img src="http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a365/desireestevens/mybaby8.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"><br />love it!<br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:188181 2005-08-22T10:15:04Z 2005-08-22T10:20:06Z well baby,<br />the shallow water keeps me from drowing.<br />and deeply,<br />i do regret making the choice to change.<br />but love,<br />my phsyche's only envy<br />is those<br />who know no better than to keep a lung above water;<br />because i do<br />and i chose to pretend to be naive.<br /><br />"hunger hurts, <br />and I want him so bad, <br />oh it kills<br />'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up<br />I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold<br />hunger hurts, <br />but starving works, <br />when it costs too much to love" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:188094 2005-08-19T19:31:51Z 2005-08-19T19:31:51Z i wish tony was here :0(.<br />today would make a great beach day. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:187796 2005-08-12T07:36:01Z 2005-08-12T07:36:01Z ok, just watched the dior fall/winter '05/'06 show online:<br />1. beautiful<br />2. i'm a freaking obese shit<br />3. i'm getting my legs surgicaly stretched<br /><br />&lt;3 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:187608 2005-08-10T08:16:19Z 2005-08-10T08:18:13Z reminder: send kim skippy creamy peanut butter and oriental top ramen ASAP. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:187204 2005-07-27T02:00:33Z 2005-07-27T02:45:01Z i miss my dad, although i'm not sure i ever really knew him in the first place.<br />i think about him everyday. <br />i wonder why he does not want to call his daughter-just to see how she is, or drop an email once in a while. i feel absolutely melancholy right now.<br />i feel so damn alone. <br /><br />i miss the one amazing summer i had.<br />the one where tony and i became best friends. <br />everything was so freaking exciting.<br />the world stopped around me for a few months.<br />i was sure i met my perfect match...my baby's daddy.<br />now, i feel as though <b>i've lost the most beautiful promise god ever granted</b>.<br /><br />i think i'm losing myself now.<br />my body and mind...<br />my soul is strong; i wish that's all i was made of.<br />i'm fucking over the body and mind concept.<br />fuck it.<br />at least i don't have aids.<br />i must say it'd be a good justification for suicide, though.<br />damn. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:187111 2005-07-25T11:26:30Z 2005-07-25T11:26:30Z muwhahaah...you're all sleeping and i'm awake.<br />ha.<br />*cough*..<br />right. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:186774 2005-07-24T20:12:40Z 2005-07-24T20:12:40Z i want to go running at the beach.<br />guess i'll crawl back into my bed isntead. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:186403 2005-07-21T07:40:58Z 2005-07-21T07:42:17Z how can someone say they love you to death and want to be with you in the same breath as "youre selfish, stuck-up/pretentious and full-of-shit"??<br /><br />does that not make <i>them</i> full of shit?<br />i would think someone spewing that sort of vulgarity to be quite pretentious themself!<br />speaking such to someone who loves them more than anything on god's green earth would also make them a bit selfish, considering such characteristics are quite painful to be granted.<br /><br />...albeit i should have known noone could ever truly love me...it still feels like someone is pouring pure acid onto the festering infection of open soars that comprises my "stuck-up" organ of a heart.<br /><br />thanks tony.<br />i love you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:186342 2005-07-21T02:58:14Z 2005-07-21T02:58:14Z just registered for school...<br />i'm so excited. <br />a full ass load.<br />i'm sick of being a freshman. haha.<br />i'm going to be the oldest one in all my classes.<br />love it!<br />so poor. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:186064 2005-07-19T21:17:54Z 2005-07-20T23:48:46Z i failed the special k challenge because i replaced every meal with donuts instead.<br />for the past THREE days.<br />DONUTS!<br />not special k! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:185754 2005-07-18T23:44:08Z 2005-07-18T23:44:08Z fat people are so gross.<br />i gross myself out! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:185387 2005-07-17T01:42:11Z 2005-07-17T01:42:11Z three biggest fears: spiders, getting sick and body fat.<br />you're never too far from a spider.<br />i'm sick again!<br />i'm fat.<br /><br />so lame. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:185256 2005-07-08T08:52:48Z 2005-07-08T08:53:55Z i wish i could break all the jealous bones in my body,<br />and be sure that they'd never heal!<br />next i wish that i could alter the chemical reactions in my brain<br />so as to prevent "love" from happening to me!<br />lord, help me.<br />i'm a freaking idiot retard.<br /><br /><html><font size="5"><br />This ain't no temporary, typical, tearful goodbye<br />This ain't no breakin' up, then wakin' up and makin' up one more time<br />This is gone, gone, gone, gone<br />Like all the good things, that ain't never comin' back<br /><i>he's</i> gone<br /><i>he's</i> gone!<br />This ain't no 'give it time, I'm hurtin' but maybe we can work it out<br />Won't be no champagne, red rose, romance, second chance<br />Long gone, don't be wrong, never comin' back, my baby's gone<br /><i>he's</i> gone...<br /><br /></font></html><br /><br /><b>FUDGE!</b> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:185040 2005-07-04T05:10:04Z 2005-07-04T05:10:04Z i fucking hate me!<br />hope i die before i wake. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:184612 2005-07-03T10:07:49Z 2005-07-03T10:07:49Z i have an idea!<br />how about<br />you shut-the-fuck-up<br />unless you plan on bringing me flowers in public. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:184359 2005-06-29T03:39:47Z 2005-06-29T03:39:47Z went to the beach today.<br />burnt my ass.<br />plan on doing it again tomorrow.<br />call me if you are down, too! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:184094 2005-06-21T08:30:09Z 2005-06-21T08:30:09Z happy first day of summer, everyone!<br /><br />see you bitches at the BEACH! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:183856 2005-06-17T05:19:34Z 2005-06-17T05:21:25Z when i was real little, and believe it or not, even <i>nerdier</i>, i used to get this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever i was away from my mom or dad for too long. like homesickness, i guess. i became a pretty independent kid very quickly, and so, that feeling soon faded away. <br />it's back. <br />only my parents are not the reason, nor is being away from home. <br />my insides feel seperate from me. there is an empty space where trust and hope once thrived. <br />my heart won't stay in my chest. it constantly feels like it's being griped, twisted and pulled by an invisible hand. my nervous stomach is back. <br />i feel like my future is being wiped away. something i've always felt so certain about, now seems mythical.<br />i lie awake at night and try to quickly reassemble that future in my mind. the details are all missing. i realize that my oh-so-certain outcome will never exist. <br />not if i rely on it building itself. <br />i've got to build the damn elements myself.<br />or else i'm going to spend every night for the rest of my life awake with longing for a life that is completly fictional. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:183737 2005-06-16T08:34:04Z 2005-06-16T08:34:04Z since you let me down, i can't sleep. i know there's nothing good to wake up to. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:183434 2005-06-15T08:17:19Z 2005-06-15T08:18:18Z let us see how many benadryls it takes to make me pass the fuck out... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:183040 2005-06-15T02:11:10Z 2005-06-15T02:11:10Z YES! it feels so good to be almost ALL better!<br />i worked today!<br />i worked out today!<br />i'm stoked!<br />i can't wait to see my girls on saturday (at lindsey's party ;0))!!!<br />only one guest at work asked why i had a band-aid on my face.<br />i fabricated a story about how my roommate's cat and i got in a fight.<br />"and the cat shot you with a BB GUN?!" they replied. <br />DIE! if only you knew that <i>my</i> STAPH (tony gave me shit for spelling it "s-t-a-f-f") infected-self was the one serving food to <i>your</i> family!<br />MUWAHAHAHAH! just kidding ;0) they are a nice family that always comes in and sits in my section, so they are allowed to ask questions. <br />i only worked four hours, but i walked with fifty-five bucks. not too bad i guess, for a tuesday morning.<br />i'm not going back to my other job until monday, hopefully by then i won't need to wear my nelly accessory anymore.<br />good day so far! FINALLY!<br />a special someone can definetly make it even better. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:182610 2005-06-12T05:14:12Z 2005-06-12T05:14:12Z i'm so miserable, HOLY HECK!<br />so much pain, disgusting mess!<br /><br />tommorrow will be my fifth day out of work. considering most of my days out are the weekend (when i make the most money), i am going to have a hell of a time paying rent next month. this is crap. i just want everything to go away...be normal again.<br /><br />and i swear, god, no more complaining about how ugly my face is after this is overwith. i've seen how ugly i really CAN be...and it's a lot worse ;0).<br /><br />ouch :0(.<br /><br />p.s. i want to see jen and tony so bad. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:undermindthis:182366 2005-06-10T03:24:19Z 2005-06-10T04:36:03Z this is for all those times i've bitched about being so mothereffing ugly.<br /><br />never again!<br /><br />i look like popeye's long-lost twin sister.